


roar.wav

by Vintar



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 06:22:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/606777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vintar/pseuds/Vintar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Animal King's tragic backstory: an unauthorised biography courtesy of the Aperture Science confidential bin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	roar.wav

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Silver_Queen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver_Queen/gifts).



APERTURE SCIENCE  
INTERNAL MEMO: ALL DIVISIONS

In order to encourage inter-departmental creative development, Aperture Science is proud to introduce its new cross-position skill-development proactive-repurposement up-training program.

Effective immediately, all employees have had their department randomised. Please log in to the system to ascertain your new position.

Any queries should be directed to HR. If you have been assigned to HR, please direct your queries to each other.

Congratulations,  
████████

 

SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE AUDIO TRANSCRIPT  
TURRET RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT, MAIN WORKSHOP  
██ AM, ██

████, M. Sc. Stamp Management: This isn't going to work.  
██████, B. Sc. Botany: How are we--  
██████, B. Sc. Botany: Which part of the robot is the...  
██████, B. Sc. Botany: The anything.  
██████, B. Sc. Botany: What are _any_ of these parts?  
████, Ph. D. Catering: Oh ████, here he comes--  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: Good morning, eggheads! Hard at work already?  
████, M. Sc. Stamp Management: Yes sir!  
████, M. Sc. Stamp Management: Uh.  
████, M. Sc. Stamp Management: Hard at work doing... what exactly?  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: Well, I don't want to constrain your creativity here.  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: We want you boys thinking outside of the box! Way past the box! No boxes at all!  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: Which will make it hard to carry your things out of here if you don't get results.  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: Because you'll be fired. That's what I'm getting at there.  
██████, B. Sc. Botany: But sir, I'm not a roboticist--  
███████, CEO and Founder Aperture Science: Well, now's your chance to learn! Here at Aperture Science we believe that everyone has potential inside of them, and hopefully that potential involves killer robots.  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: By now you should all have the statistics on the lethality rate of the last turret line.  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: We want you to take that number, work your magic, and turn it into a bigger one.  
████, Ph. D. Catering: You want to make bullets... more deadly?  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: See, now you're getting it!  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: Now, I don't want to stifle you gentlemen, but I think I have a hell of an idea, might just be the new big thing, set some trends. Let me run it past you. I'm thinking: lion DNA.  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: Just jam that DNA right in there, let it do its thing.  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: Or another big cat, if that's more your style. Tigers! They're pretty great.  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: Expensive, though. Learned that the hard way.  
███████, CEO and Founder Aperture Science: Okay, I'll leave you to it. I've got to see if the new hazard crew have figured out how to deal with the incident on level █ yet.  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: Who knew acid was so flammable? Not this guy!  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: Not the new hazard crew, either. One of them used to work in the cafeteria. Man couldn't reheat a burrito to save his life. Is that irony or what?  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: Anyway! I'll leave you gentlemen to it.  
███████, CEO Aperture Science: Remember: just think lions.  
████, M. Sc. Stamp Management: Oh my god.  
████, Ph. D. Catering: Wow.  
██████, B. Sc. Botany: We are so fired.  
███████, B. Sc. Zoology: I don't think so.  
███████, B. Sc. Zoology: Stand back, guys,  
███████, B. Sc. Zoology: I've got this.

 

SUPPLY REQUEST  
TURRET R&D  
VHS box set nature documentary Hale's African Adventure x1  
VHS copy the Ghost and the Darkness x1  
Softcover copy Advanced Weapon Mechanics and You! A Beginner's Guide to Lethal Machinery x1  
████ brand beer (crates) x2

 

SUPPLY REQUEST  
TURRET R&D  
Reinforced steel plates 3x3 ft x36  
Passive infrared guidance system x1  
MiG I-300 engine x1  
12.7×99mm ammo (cartridge) x5890  
████ brand beer (crates) x4

 

SUPLPY RQEUQUEEST  
TURTTT R%D  
decals (leopard-print) x150  
novelty crown x1  
hahaha were sso great at robobts thioshdfo is goijojgng tto be e sos gogod x1 (system query: unknown item)

 

TERMINATION NOTICE  
STAFF: TURRET RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT DEPARTMENT (ENTIRE)  
REASON: WHEN INITIALISED, PROTOTYPE TURRET PLAYED VARIETY OF LION SAMPLES AT HIGH VOLUME, LEFT LABORATORY IN MANNER EFFECTING SEVERAL EXPLOSIONS; CURRENTLY AT LARGE WITHIN FACILITY.  
FOLLOWUP: HAZARD CREW READING MANUAL ON HOW TO DEAL WITH EXPLOSIONS, TURRETS, LIONS.  
TERMINATION AUTHORISED: ☑


End file.
